We are Not Alone

Growing up, I felt like an alien among my friends when it came to sex. Yes, I would join them in feigning disgust at anything sexual, ridiculing the "dumb boys" who seemed interested only in that. This facade made me feel awful about myself, about my own desires—because deep down, I actually wanted it. I craved the attention and the rush. Internally, this created a conflict with the image I had of myself as a straight-A student and soccer team captain, fearing that embracing my sexual self might mean losing everything else I had worked for.

Everything came to a head during my freshman year of college after a wild night with two boys from the swimming team that left me exhilarated yet overwhelmed with guilt by sunrise. I went from loving every second of that night to fearing I had crossed a line that couldn’t be uncrossed, that somehow who I was as a person would be stripped from me. As I sat in my room crying, my roommate—who I must mention I had barely connected with and who always seemed so conservative and put together—came in to comfort me. She had never mentioned boys or sex before; hell, she wouldn't even undress in front of me. Yet here she was, seeing me at my most vulnerable.

As we talked, she opened up, telling me my night was tame compared to her standards. She encouraged me not to shy away from my desires and shared her kinks and bucket list items freely. In that moment, I realized that her revelations didn't make me think any less of her intelligence or drive; if anything, it showed me that like her, I could be both strong and openly enjoy my sexuality.

This moment of shared vulnerability became the cornerstone of a deep friendship and later, a partnership aimed at helping other women realize they aren’t alone in these feelings. While I traveled my path, she went to law school and when she graduated, was hired by one of those big city firms we are taught to hate.  

Now, we are back together again and want to use our knowledge and resources to empower women to share their stories and embrace every part of themselves, just like we learned to.